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I Hid In Room For Years After I Googled Mom

19 Mar 2021

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When I was a kid, I didn’t have many friends. My mom would take me to the playground sometimes, but before i could play with any other kids, their parents would pull them away. I tried to befriend kids in my neighborhood, but their moms always rushed out and told them “don’t go near that house”. I never understood why. Our house looked just like the rest, my mom looked just like the other moms, and I was a normal kid like everyone else.

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After a while, I stopped trying to make friends. I was pretty young when I got it in my head that there was something wrong with me, otherwise why did no kids want to be my friends? When I was in middle school I was already a complete loner. I ate my lunch alone in a bathroom stall every day. It wasn’t as sad as you might think, you hear a lot when hiding in a semi-public place.
“Where do you think she goes every day?” I heard when someone came in. I heard a few sets of footsteps outside my stall.
“I heard she hides somewhere. I would too if my mom was a criminal” Another girl said. This piqued my curiosity. “Who were they talking about?” I wondered. Then a third girl chimed in.
“Poor Tessa, I bet she doesn’t even know” They were talking about me! Why would they say my mom was a criminal? My mom had never done anything bad! The girls left when the bell rang, but I stayed hidden in that stall. I was angry that they were making up such lies about my mom. Part of me wanted to push the stall door open and shout “What about your mom, Lizzie? We all know her brownies for the bakesale were store bought!” but I would never stoop so low.

You know how sometimes, a single word is enough to make you overthink all day until you’re a messy pile of nerves? Imagine how I felt at that moment. I was angry, I was confused and I was scared for some reason.

The next day I had computer class, but I stayed behind after the teacher locked the door of the computer lab so I could go on the internet without anyone looking at my screen. Those girls were talking about my mom, I thought, so maybe I should just google her name? I always wondered why they never did that in movies, so I went ahead and did it. What I found shook me to the core. There were dozens of articles about my mom, and that was just the first page of the

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